Light! Camera! Chaos! July 20, 2017 18:30
“Time to take the photographs, the light is just right, it’s not raining, let’s go!” Cries hubby with camera in hand and full of enthusiasm for the photo shoot of the decade. I slowly put my breakfast bowl down. I know what this entails and it means only one thing. Pain. Sorry, that’s two things, pain and stress. Working with Cairns and the new Lord Litchfield has got nothing on John Noakes on live TV with a pooing elephant.
“Right! Garden scenery, check. Beautiful blankets, check. Bright and shiny Cairns with a ‘can do ‘ attitude? Cross.” Get the brushes, they’re hiding under the garden table, and bring treats! Many treats!” Bella acts as if the camera will take her soul and probably her sausages too before beating her with a spiky club. Hattie, if in the mood will do most things for food. “Arrange the blankets!” Shouts the shoot director. “Mow the grass! Move that pigeon! “(?)
We manage a few shots with Bella, only noticing a while later that Hattie had snuck in behind a few. Then we plonked Hattie in the basket for her turn in the limelight. “Why the hell has Hattie got a white moustache?” Fumes the director. I turn to see that the porridge bowl I left unattended has been licked clean. “Bring a flannel! Bring a brush!” He squawks. “And mop my brow!” (No, he didn’t say that really..)
Hattie goes upside down for the sheer heck of it.
Eventually, calm and happy with a hundred weight of treats, Hattie is a little star and now we are all feeling a little more brave and decide they can both be in the basket with the beautiful blankets together, at the actual same time. “Side by side I wanted! Not on top of each other like a pile of Jenga blocks!” Shouts his lordship. “Straighten the blankets, it looks like their names are ‘Ba’ and ‘Hi’! I can’t work like this! Bella is sitting on Hattie’s head! Over here girls! Woohoo! Look at me! Up a bit, down, to the left! TO THE LEFT! Now your blinkin’ shadow is in the picture woman, move out! Why is that pigeon staring at me?” Again with the pigeon obsession, I know, weird right?
Hattie sees the pigeon in question, and then Bella sticks her tongue out at it and Hattie shakes her head in the negative.
Finally, we have success. We have about three good shots from a total of a squinty billion. Having spent what seems like hours coaxing the girls into the basket, they now refuse to leave, and tuck up together in remarkable harmony. Bless their little cotton socks. Obviously for the purposes of entertainment I have made the hubby sound like a right Diva. He isn’t really. Much.
If you would like a proper peak, in focus, with no pigeon in the foreground, of the personalised blankets in question, here goes.