Ripley's Tail - Scrumbling part 1 September 3, 2020 09:32 1 Comment
Dog Date: 3rd September 2020
General Sitch: Cute but evil
Specific Sitch: lying around in direct sunlight. If I want to, I will, I like it even though it is cooking my furry bits and pieces.
I am part Cairn Terrier, part Welshcake. Feeeeeed meeee. This is my tail.
This Cairn is feeling a bit grumpy. Daddy-my-daddy-xxx ™ keeps rolling me onto my back and scrumbling me, which is ok, obvs, but he needs to work on his technique a bit, and if he doesn’t quit the blowing raspberries on my tummy stuff, he will get bitten. So I thought I should educate you humins about scrumbling. There are three techniques and I will share one now and t’other two in future. If you are sitting comfortably, we will begin…
v: Scrumble: To move a dog’s fur around in a vigorous manner to release stress (and dog particles), and create a state of wild and unbounded ecstasy.
Disclaimer 1: Ask the owner’s permission first. Failure to do this could result in a) their dog sneaking out at night seeking further illicit scrumbling, or b) you may lose your fingers.
Disclaimer 2: Do not scrumble cats (they will scram you), ELKS (who may run amok) or Scorpions (obviously, duh).
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Technique 1: The demented pianist
- Always prepare your HUMIN. They should do finger flexing exercises and eat an energy bar.
- Stand sideways on to your HUMIN.
- Working from the base of the tail to the skull, the HUMIN should wriggle its fingers through the fur up and down the spine at ever-increasing speed. The action should resemble that of a demented pianist trying to complete Dogbogimov’s 14th Piano Concerto in double time whilst on speed.
- Repeat (sorry, need a moment here – the memories) for Dogbogimov’s 15th Piano Concerto or until the dog collapses.
- The HUMIN is allowed to stray briefly to the flanks, but only for a rest period. Rib strumming is not allowed.
- Dog will run wildly around the house with tail in the air until darting under a bed or lounge table for a prolonged period of recovery and secret smiling.
- Remember when you choose a Christmas Tree and they put it through a giant metal cone to pull the branches in and wrap it? The dog should look like it has been put through the cone from the wrong end, i.e. like a bottle brush.
- HUMIN will feel valued and that a job has been well done.
- There will be a cloud of DOG PARTICLES in circulation for at least an hour (the law).
Got it? Good HUMIN. Daddy-my-daddy-xxx ™ take note.
Apart from that, it was a slightly damp August in Wales, with the odd day of brilliant sunshine, and a few days of intense storms. When the storms came I did demand to go out in the garden in the middle of the night to rampage around and confront the storm monster. I did show it who is boss, oh yes I did.
Large amounts of puppies have been born, and we are hoping one will become my little brother/toy. Mummy-my-mummy-xxx ™ and himself will be going to meet them this month, giving me a weekend to torment my HUSIS. When she was home last, we went for a walk and she and I went for a stick at the same time. We both missed but I got her! Ooops.
Anyhowl, I have stuff to do, after taking another nap. This writing stuff is tiring.
Take care and be naughty,
Grrr-grrr, wag-wag, roll in fox poo
p.s. please hashtag #ripleystail if commenting.
p.p.s. Please do check out our rather nice ironwork while you are here: